Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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