if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
