those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize