Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
