Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
