every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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