I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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