Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
