He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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