dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
