I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
