She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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