I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
