You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
