So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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