Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
