Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
