Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
