Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
