So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
