he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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