I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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