I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
