mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
