I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
