found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
