using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
