Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
