Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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