We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize