Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
