Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
