Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
