I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
