Ambien. No doubt about it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
