my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
3pm strippers are depressing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
