i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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