Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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