After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
