Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was born a porn star she said
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
