mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do herpes really smell.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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