Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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