woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
