ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
