porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
