Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
