What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently the secret to your success is patron
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
