Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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