I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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