this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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