Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
