WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You need a sexual gate keeper
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
