The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
