I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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