how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
