what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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