i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
