I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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