I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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