just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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