Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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