Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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