I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
