drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize