I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
