I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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