Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
