I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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