i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
